Covid VS Anxiety - The fear of going back to normal

With lockdown restrictions lifting and plans for normality around the corner I want to join in and say "I can't wait for everything to be back to normal" but the reality is I am bloody terrified. 

Lockdown life is remembering to put a mask in amy handbag and panicking if I forget it, it's using hand sanitiser so often I don't even think about it, it's treating the weekly food shop like a special day out.. it's all these little things that are part of our day to day life without us even thinking about it any more. 

Lockdown life is also me getting panicked if I walk down a shop aisle and there's too many people down it, it's me sitting in my car when I get somewhere and having to talk myself into getting out, it's me getting angry when someone walks to close to me... it's lots of things that would have never bothered me before Covid.

I have had anxiety for as long as I remember, but I have found Covid-19 has heightened it massively. I have new triggers and the idea of going clothes shopping, eating in a restaurant or even going to the cinema gets my heart racing. Last time non-essential businesses reopened before we went into another lockdown I did try and do all these things, but I remember being in New Look telling myself I needed to leave, never in my life would I imagine not wanting to shop! 

I also found it strange to feel this way as I work in a supermarket so I've been working the entire time surrounded by people, it's not like I've been stuck inside day-to-day like the majority of you have yet I've lost count of how often I've had to walk off shop floor because I was getting frustrated or I had an attack coming on. I think the amount of nonsense I experience at work surrounding the pandemic made me realise how many people don't care and how easy it is to catch it. 

I know I'm not the only one who has the fear of things going back to normal and I wish we could all join in with those who are planning parties, buying festival tickets and nights out but personally I'm making no plans and setting myself no expectations and I think that's very important instead of pressuring myself to go back to the way things were before Covid.


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