19 September 2016

Things I Didn't Expect From Ending A Long Term Relationship

I ended my three year relationship back in June and it has really tested me as a person so whats a better thing to do than write a blog post about the things I didn't expect from ending a relationship? This is one of those posts I could not resist writing even though I know there will be people I know in real life, who are friends with my ex reading this (point #2). 



You'll still get upset even though it was your choice.
It's very easy to assume that because you did the dumping for the purpose of your happiness that you will be just that - happy. It's like being on a roller coaster of emotions because you know it's the right thing to do in the long run but you feel like your throwing years of memories and feelings down the drain. I got very upset in the beginning because I found the situation new and overwhelming, I didn't want to hurt him but I wanted to do the right thing by me and being the cause of someone else's pain is bloody awful.

Everyone will do their best to get involved even if they say 'it's nothing to do with me'.
You'll get the people that are telling you the usual spiel of how everything will work out, you will  have the people telling you that you're an idiot (usually behind your back), you'll get the people running to your ex-partner telling them your every move and people even making up rumours. This was the biggest deal for me, especially as it was a workplace relationship so every colleague seemed to form their own opinion as if they were a third-party, like seriously please fuck off.

I am thankful for the handful of people I can call friends that were an constant open ear for when I needed to rant or cry but stayed completely uninvolved.

You'll see a different side to your ex-partner.
This is one of those things that can sound super bitchy but when you've been in a (good) relationship with someone for years, you've seen the side of that person that is your friend and when it's over, that friendship is unfortunately changed, or in most cases completely gone and you see a side to your ex that isn't all that nice. I had hoped to be lucky as we always said 'we'd stay friends; if we ever broke up' but in reality that just didn't work out - we went from him ignoring me, to being civil, to being friends to then being just civil again and now we're back to him ignoring me, like I said earlier it's a complete roller coaster. You always have to understand things from the your ex's point of view, just because your happy now doesn't mean they are or can be anytime soon, so instead they will just try to show you and everyone else that you're just a bitch.

Entering the single world is fun and scary.
I was very excited to be single and have some freedom, to be able to just live my life and not worry about relationships and I don't mean to go around and have lots of sex - although I have been advised to make the most of my young years and do just that. I think when you've been tied down to the same person for years and you get to a point where you don't want that relationship anymore it's kind of like being stuck, so when you're unstuck it feels wonderful.

The scary part however is not knowing what to expect, worrying how long you should wait till you date someone and for me it was worrying about my ex hearing things - turns out I was right to worry because as soon as he heard I got with someone else things went pretty nasty. hence us not even being civil now!
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