06 March 2019

What "I'm Not Okay" Really Means To Me

I've gotten into using my blog to open up about my mental heath, in fact I find it easier to write what I'm feeling and thinking on here than to actually talk to someone.. so whilst I'm going through a bad patch I've decided to write about what mental health looks like for me when I'm not okay, because to people on the outside they may not see what is really going because they expect to see things loud and clear but in reality it's not always that simple.

Lack of sleep; I can't get to sleep because my mind is racing, I'm either crying or panicking and when I do eventually get to sleep I end up waking up several times a night. Also as someone who dreams vividly this tends to mean I'm dreaming of something that will cause me wake up in a state.
It could also go the complete opposite way where all I want to do is sleep, I won't want to get out of bed and I am constantly saying I'm tired even though I've had loads of sleep.

When I says self-care I'm talking about personal hygiene, getting dressed, putting on make up, all the things that would normally be part of day to day life. When I'm down forcing myself to get showered can be the hardest thing to do although realistically it is so simple. There are times where I just don't care what I look like because I don't believe anyone else cares either. Everything is just 'too much effort' which other people deem as laziness but in reality I can't mentally bring myself to do those things because I don't even want to leave the house.

We all know when we're down in the dumps our eating habits can change - over eating when you're sad or not eating at all when you're stressed, but how often do you actually pay attention to this? Feeling so down that the thought of food makes you feel sick to a point you can barely think straight because your body needs sugar? Eating so much that you're making yourself vomit? That's a bit of different story.

Sitting in silence tends to be my biggest thing. Whether I'm at home or at work if I'm having a bad time with my mental health I will be sitting there staring out the window thinking about everything and nothing. I won't have a single bit of motivation to even have a normal conversational and I will avoid the things I'd usually enjoy. From the outside in I'm being 'boring' but it's physically not being able to bring myself to do something because I am falling apart.

Trigger Warning.
One that people need to realise is self harm isn't always deep cuts. It can be as simple as pinching your skin or digging your nails in, pulling your hair or giving yourself bruises.. sometimes it's actions that leave only temporary or light marks that go unnoticed. Just because you're not seeing blood and scars doesn't mean something isn't going on. Pain can help feelings go away even if it's just for a few minutes.

Everyone deals with stuff in their own ways and you have to remember that not everything is obvious to the eye. Always remember to check on people who's habits have changed because sometimes when things are obvious it's too late.

16 February 2019

5 Tips To Get Rid Of A Clingy Ex

I'm talking about the ex who won't leave you alone - they're heartbroken and just want you back, but they don't quite understand you just aren't on the same page. Some people can quite happily tell their ex partners to fuck off and be done with it but we don't all find it so easy to be straight forward, so I thought I'd share some advice I have been given and learnt by and hopefully it will help those of you who are in this awkward situation.

Be straight forward.
You may not want to hurt him but you have to be honest and be blunt with him. There's no point beating around the bush, you've already done the shitty part by breaking up so it can't get any worse than that. You don't want the confusion and you don't want him to get the wrong end of the stick by being too nice. The more he thinks you care the more he thinks you'll change your mind.

Delete him!
Delete his number, unfollow all his social media's and get rid of him. You don't want the temptation to contact each other and you certainly don't want to be stalking each other's profiles, it's not healthy and doesn't allow you to move on.

Don't be guilt tripped.
It's very easy for him to make you feel guilty, he may do or tell you things that manipulate you into giving him attention. It's a simple fact that he is playing games so don't fall for it other wise you'll be going round in circles. The more you play into his hands the worse you will feel and YOU need to be happy.

Don't reply.
I know this might be hard, because you either want the last word or because you feel bad ignoring him, but every reply you send is an excuse for him to say something back whether it's nasty or nice. Don't forget, there's a block button for a reason.

Move on.
Don't wait for him to move on before you do, you're free to have a life when you feel ready. Everyone breaks up for different reasons so you may be thinking "fuck moving on I'm staying away from guys forever!" but whatever you do needs to make you happy so if you want to go on dates or just have a bit of fun then do that.

13 January 2019

Hey 2019

Hey 2019 let's ignore that we are nearing the end of the second week of the New Year already. It's been months since anything was posted on my blog so I thought it would be a good idea to write a little something about what's been going on and where the hell I've been.

Bath Somerset Pulteney Bridge,Bath,Somerset,Pulteney Bridge, Bath Somerset

Career. At the end of January last year a management restructure was announced at my work place, this meant my job role was no longer going to exist and therefore I was pretty fucked. I went through a roller coaster of emotions, do I take redundancy? Do I apply for a new role? Do I drop down a grade and be a normal colleague? In the end I thought "fuck it" and applied for a new management role as I had nothing to lose. Luckily for me I did alright and passed the assessment, which is all well and good but this meant moving to a new store.. bare in mind I have only worked in this one place since I was 17 the idea of leaving was bloody terrifying. Anyway, long story short I took the job, moved to a new store in June and faced the biggest challenge of my life so far.  It's certainly been a journey; I have made friends with some amazing people, learned a hell of a lot and experienced some crazy shit!

Home. Mum and myself had finally settled into our new flat and what happens? Our landlord decides to sell; this is when blogging really did get swept under the carpet! We had only been at the flat for a year so it was a massive pain in the backside but in the end it all worked out as we instead moved into a two bedroom new build that I have to say is pretty banging. It took quite a while for us to really get settled in though, especially as the whole career malarkey was happening at the exact same time.

Relationships. The last post I wrote was in regards to a break up at the beginning of last year, and after that I decided to take some time out to just enjoy myself, stop giving a fuck about relationships and generally have fun. This lasted a good couple of months; I had a few dates with a fuck boy from my past - we'll save that story for another time and I also dated Joe who I met online.. Joe soon became my other half and here we are now many months later... modern romance aye!

So there we go.. as much as I love blogging and want to post regularly I am rarely home and even when do manage to get time at home I procrastinate instead. I'm hoping this year I can be more productive and post on here more regularly because I definitely don't want to be one of those people who calls herself a blogger but only posts Instagram pictures. Happy New Year!

22 March 2018

Guest Post: Important Dos And Don'ts Of Jersey Dresses

 Jersey dresses are a wardrobe staple for every woman -- and if you don't have one in your wardrobe, you should. Flattering and super comfortable, jersey dresses can be dressed down with a pair of sneakers for a day on the town, or dressed up with a pair of cute flats or heels for a day at the office or night on the town.  

While comparatively versatile in terms of wearability, the jersey dress does come with it's own set of style considerations: its own dos and don'ts to ensure optimal eye-fetching effect.  

Here's how wear (and how not to wear) this signature style.  

Jersey dresses are meant to be worn so that they skim your figure. You don’t want them to be frumpy and overly loose, but a jersey dress is not meant to cling to your body either. If you can see what kind of underwear you’re sporting when you wear the dress, it’s too tight! 

This really goes for any article of clothing you buy: don’t shy away from alterations! It should go without saying that we don’t all have the same shape, and we’re certainly not all the same height, so if you find the length or torso or neckline of your jersey dress isn’t falling just right  — but the rest of it is rocking  — then snag the dress and head to a good seamstress. Most (but not all) jersey dresses fall just above or at your knee, so if you’re on the shorter side and find it is falling at an odd midi-length, have it hemmed (or hem it yourself if you’re handy with your sewing machine!).  

Sure, jersey dresses are a simple style of dress, but your jersey dress doesn’t have to be basic. Opt for a beautiful jersey dress in a playful pattern or bold colour. Since jersey dresses are so figure flattering, now’s the time to slip into that bright pink or electric blue you’d been to shy to wear before. You can rest assured you’ll look amazing.  

DON’T: Forget Accessories 
Jersey Dress

You should never forget to accessorise any outfit, but especially a more simple cut of dress like a jersey. A few accessories can take your garb from day to night: a pair of pearl earrings, and pearl necklace and a pair of ballet flats make your jersey perfect for brunch. A pair of stellar heels and bold, brass bangles and shoulder-dusting earrings transition your jersey to a dress befitting an art gallery opening or a hot date. 

These dos and don’ts are super simple, so you’ll have no problem implementing them next time you wear a jersey dress. Happy styling! 

Regina is a wonderful writer who has previously written two fashion posts on this blog with the first post talking about interview outfits and the second about evening dresses


25 February 2018

I Broke It Off, So Why Am I Upset?

Choosing to end a relationship can be a difficult decision, it can also be a cut throat choice, but at the end of the day no matter how sure your decision making is you may not always come out the other side feeling as happy as you expected. So here you are, the one who break their heart but also the one feeling like shit, what's that about?

You're overcome with doubt about whether it was the right decision. You list every 'what if' and end up making yourself more upset than you were to bloody begin with because who knows, maybe things would of changed for the better? This is when you have to kick yourself up the ass and realise if things were going to change they already would have and you wouldn't have broken up with them in the first place.

You feel guilty and maybe even a little selfish, you've made the choice to end things because it's best for the both of you in the long run.. but it's easy to say that when you're the one on the decision end isn't it? Now you just have to sit back and give them space to allow them to come to terms with the breakup in their own way and it's hell, damn you empathy. 

You still care for them or worse, you still love them, unfortunately you can't turn that feeling off with a flick of a switch. The dumpee will more than likely question your feelings for them as it's you ending the relationship (because apparently dumping someone you love isn't a thing *eye roll*) but the reality is your feelings are the main reason why you were so sure to make the decision, you don't want to drag things out when they're not working. 

You think about how you used to be before things went south. There's a reason you two got together so naturally it hurts when you realise all that is lost. You're allowed to grieve a relationship no matter what side you're on because you have lost a partner, someone who you spent days, months or even years with and that is now gone. It's very unlikely you wanted to be in the position you are now so you're allowed to be a little (or very) upset about it, okay?


18 February 2018

Give Your Wardrobe A Bit Of TLC In Just 3 Steps

You have spent two hours changing outfits and moaning that you have 'nothing to wear' even though you're standing in front of a very filled wardrobe and let's be honest, you're just going to chuck on a pair of Jamie jeans and a baggy jumper anyway. 

Step One: Clear Out
This is when you need to be brutal with yourself. Ask yourself: Do you wear/use the item? Do you actually need the item? Is the item something that is sentimental that you'll miss?
Start with three piles:
- The keeps
- The get rids; Give these away to friends or charity, or sell them at a car boot/places like Depop/Ebay/Etc.
- The not so sure; If trying on these items doesn't help then question what you would wear them with and if you're still unsure then question whether you've worn it in the last six months, if you haven't then I suggest you should place the item in the get rid pile.

Step Two: Organise.
There is the simplicity of organising the types of clothing e.g tops and bottoms, but everyone is slightly different in how they arrange their clothes and accessories. Always keep your fanciest and most worn items hung up but try to make it so everything is easier to find, that way you aren't rummaging through tons of clothes to find what to wear in the morning. If you're a little stuck I suggest heading over to Pinterest for some inspiration.

I encourage you to think seasonal, if it's summer you won't need to be using valuable space on big coats, jumpers and boots, in the same way as in winter you don't need sandals and bikinis so store these items away whether it's under your bed, in a suitcase or wherever suits you, just bare in mind you will want them handy in case of holidays or a sudden change of weather - especially if you live in the UK.

Step Three: Finishing Touches
Once you've shrunken down your stylish choices and organised to your hearts content you may end up with a shopping list for boxes, hangers, maybe even a new wardrobe? Who knows. This is when you need to make your wardrobe something that is easy to access and doesn't have you rummaging through clothes everyday. I am a sucker for storage so I have under bed drawers for my shoes but as a finishing touch I purchased copper hangers from Primark, things like this make me enjoy my wardrobe a little bit more.


09 February 2018

When "Being Positive" Just Isn't Enough

I have only spoken about my mental health on here once and as much I want to write about this subject it doesn't come as easily as I presumed, until now, because I am at a point where I have had enough.

There are people that say you just need to "cheer up" or to "be more positive" because damn I forgot words can cure mental illnesses, silly me. These words come from the same people who constantly say when life gives you lemons you should make lemonade, well guess what? I don't like lemonade.

During the last few months I have been forcing myself to be happy and enjoy life but eventually the pressure of being positive became too much. I had one of the worst breakdowns I have had in years. I truly feel trapped in this mindset. I can't escape feeling this way and you know what? It's fucking awful. I wake up everyday telling myself  'this day will be different' but it never is; I fake a smile to every person I pass and pretend everything is just fine and dandy when the reality is my brain has shut off and I have basically become a robot. I no longer show many emotions but instead have an instant bitch filter where I reply with sarcasm and sass, because if I don't do that I will end up either crying or sitting in silence.

So let's have a little bit of structure here shall we? But bare in mind I'm not throwing myself a pity party, I don't feel sorry for myself I am just pissed off that my brain does what it chooses.

Prior to my breakdown I chose to end things with my boyfriend, as much as I wanted our relationship to work I knew I wasn't in the right head space and I had to deal with my own shit before focusing on someone else. I feel like this really hit me hard, it was the most difficult relationship I have ever ended and it hit home that I wasn't as okay as I may have thought, my mental health had seriously degraded. This was soon made clearer when I ended up in my room having a mental breakdown and there I was, at my lowest. My week was then made 10x worse as I was told my job role was being removed from the company, talk about timing. Days later I was then informed my flat owner was putting the property up for sale, JACKPOT! This is when I truly want to say a massive fuck you to the people who tell you to 'be positive' because guess what mate? It isn't going to put a roof over my head so surprisingly it isn't going to stop the chemicals in my brain doing whatever they want to do either.

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