My Mental Health - An Update

The last post I wrote about my mental health was in March where I broke down "what I'm not okay' really means to me"; speaking about how my mental illnesses affect me as a person. Since then I have been on a serious roller coaster of shit and as much as I wanted to write about it I didn't even know where to begin, in fact I don't even know what I'm writing right now I'm just rambling as per usual.

A few weeks ago I made the biggest step after 10 years of dealing with all of this, I saw a doctor. I was terrified of going and part of me wanted to cancel the appointment and climb back in the hole I've been hiding in for so long but I didn't, I went to the appointment and I came out feeling a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I chose to start anti depressants (there will be a post about that for sure because damn that's been interesting so far) and I am booked in for regular check ups, I do however need to phone up to get therapy because apparently that's helpful if you have a lot of 'baggage' as my doctor put it.

Currently I feel like I am still on a roller coaster of emotions and although I feel proud of myself for finally taking the step to get help it's still a challenge. I always dealt with this on my own but now I've opened myself up, not just to a professional but to everyone around me - including my Mum who is full of the stigma that prevented me from opening up in the first place. Opening myself up means dealing with things in a different way, I've got such a network of people who care and want what's best for me and I'm just not used to it, I can't hide away anymore.

Just Keep Swimming

A trip to the Sea Life Centre in Weymouth was a good way to spend a day off but it's definitely made me realise how badly I need to get back into photography. Most of these photos were taken on my phone as it's been so damn long since I used my DSLR the photos just weren't up to my usual standard and to be honest, I just got a bit pissed off with using my camera. I've been saying for a while that I need to get out taking photos and this trip out really highlighted this, I love photography and the idea of capturing beautiful photos but not being able to use my camera the way I want to is so frustrating, I just need to get out of this rut I'm in and start doing what I love.

Fresh Air, Fresh Thoughts

Oh look at this I'm actually posting something on my blog that is ever so neglected. I also have been taking photos on my camera - yano that thing that's been sat on my shelf collecting dust for months.

There was a time when I used to travel around and go to different places, taking photos and uploading them to blog posts because that's what I loved to do but lately I don't really do much that I love. I just work and sleep like I'm an OAP, to be fair I think pensioners are more active than I am! I forced myself to head on out and use my camera, deciding to head to the beach with a friend and it was really nice other than the fact it was really fucking windy. I thought it would be a good idea to hang out and try to forget about all the crap going on in my life because mentally I am just a sack of shit and usually being by the sea calms me and it did, but as soon as I got home I kind of fell apart again but hey at least I have some half decent photos to share.

What 'I'm Not Okay' Really Means To Me

I've gotten into using my blog to open up about my mental heath, in fact I find it easier to write what I'm feeling and thinking on here than to actually talk to someone.. so whilst I'm going through a bad patch I've decided to write about what mental health looks like for me when I'm not okay, because to people on the outside they may not see what is really going because they expect to see things loud and clear but in reality it's not always that simple.

5 Tips To Get Rid Of A Clingy Ex

I'm talking about the ex who won't leave you alone - they're heartbroken and just want you back, but they don't quite understand you just aren't on the same page. Some people can quite happily tell their ex partners to fuck off and be done with it but we don't all find it so easy to be straight forward, so I thought I'd share some advice I have been given and learnt by and hopefully it will help those of you who are in this awkward situation.

Be straight forward.
You may not want to hurt him but you have to be honest and be blunt with him. There's no point beating around the bush, you've already done the shitty part by breaking up so it can't get any worse than that. You don't want the confusion and you don't want him to get the wrong end of the stick by being too nice. The more he thinks you care the more he thinks you'll change your mind.

Delete him!
Delete his number, unfollow all his social media's and get rid of him. You don't want the temptation to contact each other and you certainly don't want to be stalking each other's profiles, it's not healthy and doesn't allow you to move on.

Don't be guilt tripped.
It's very easy for him to make you feel guilty, he may do or tell you things that manipulate you into giving him attention. It's a simple fact that he is playing games so don't fall for it other wise you'll be going round in circles. The more you play into his hands the worse you will feel and YOU need to be happy.

Don't reply.
I know this might be hard, because you either want the last word or because you feel bad ignoring him, but every reply you send is an excuse for him to say something back whether it's nasty or nice. Don't forget, there's a block button for a reason.

Move on.
Don't wait for him to move on before you do, you're free to have a life when you feel ready. Everyone breaks up for different reasons so you may be thinking "fuck moving on I'm staying away from guys forever!" but whatever you do needs to make you happy so if you want to go on dates or just have a bit of fun then do that.